Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
