I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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