Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
