there's paper in my vomit.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
