i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
