He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
