Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
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