im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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