i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
