well I can't set my house on fire every night
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
