I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
