we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
