just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
