My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
