i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
