i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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