those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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