Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
