hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
