it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
