Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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