So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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