Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
