i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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