I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's blow job season.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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