Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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