This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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