if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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