I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
