quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
