Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
