I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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