By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
