im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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