My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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