Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
