I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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