How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
