so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
