To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
