Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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