i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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