I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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