Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
