she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
