it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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