I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
