My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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