I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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