Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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